Apocryphon of John

Grief has a name in the Secret Book of John. It’s Nenentophni, and it sits in a list of 365 angels and demons who, according to the text, built the human body one part at a time. Fear is Blaomen. Pleasure is Ephememphi, and desire goes by the short, almost friendly name Yoko. Most readers skim this section. It’s pages of unpronounceable names assigned to eyelids and toenails, and it looks like the least useful part of a difficult book. But tucked inside it is a compact theory of the emotions, borrowed from the best psychology of its day and bent into a Gnostic shape. I think it’s one of the more practical things in the whole Nag Hammadi library. ...

It opens with a bad day. John, son of Zebedee, is walking up to the temple after the crucifixion when a Pharisee needles him about it. Your teacher deceived you, the man says, and filled your ears with lies, and John has no answer. He turns away from the temple and walks into the desert grieving, asking all the questions faith asks on its worst afternoon. How was the savior chosen, why was he sent, what is this world, and where are we going? ...